Nobody ever needs me the way I need them. 

I really wish my sister would get her driver’s license. I’m tired of having to be put in situation where I have to wake up early just to take her somewhere. Like I know I don’t do much of anything since it’s summer, but I feel responsible for the inconvenience that is placed on my mom and older, because it’s their car that I have to drive. I think the biggest thing that bothers me about having to pick her up is when she gets mad that she had to wait a little bit after class. Or she asks to be picked up from one place and then blames me for when she starts walking to another area. UGH! It’s frustrating. Hopefully she get this job though. 

ABP is starting up soon for the summer again. I’m on the fence on how i feel. Since I really need to get a job I feel like I shouldn’t participate, because it would seem like playing in the band is more important than finding a job. But when I hear people who created their own songs and they sound amazing, I want to do the same thing. I like writing and creating our own masterpieces. It’s really fulfilling. I don’t think I can get away from music so I should just embrace it more. 

Really wish Eric didn’t take Erika home. It was fun longboarding with her. I wonder when she going to visit again. 

Well at least Greg come home Friday. I don’t think I could wait til Tuesday to ride again. 

Sitting here doing nothing today. Even though there are things i should be doing. I don’t know how i feel about blogging anymore. I was trying to use it as a place to write when there’s no one i can talk to. And that was suppose to make me feel better, but it doesn’t. I write what’s bothering me and i still feel the same.

I think my biggest problem is that maybe i don’t really talk about the problem the way i think about it. Like i have no audience so why am i refusing to really talk about my feelings.

I think I’m going to really start using this blog as a place for getting my true, honest, and open feelings out. No more reservations or anything that’s going to make me be less honest with myself.

One of my friends really need to learn how to whisper. I don’t know if it was because he was tipsy or something, but it was horrible try. I don’t feel comfortable hearing your compare me and my sister to your girlfriend. Like how and why is that happening!? 

Well on another note, it was pretty chill night. Definitely can’t wait until Friday!

This morning I’m woken up from a random phone call from a random unknown number. Since I don’t pick up unknown numbers I just allowed it to ring, but in the back of my head I felt like I should of picked up. Turns out it was the grocery store I applied to calling me about my application. I returned the call twice, but I guess it was lunch time or whatever so I just left my name and number.

The lady calls me back we have a quick interview, my heart is pounding and now my sister is listening to me stumble over my words. It was very embarrassing and the room was getting hotter by the second. The last question asked was “Why do you want to work here?” the question I was avoiding. I tried to make up a coherent reply, but I couldn’t think fast enough and it was just too much.

Now I gotta wait 3 days for a call. 

I’m not getting the job. :/

I wish I wasn’t so nervous and could speak to people easier without any problems. 

Just made myself mad all over about an old situation. If it still hurts after all this time, what do i do? 

Old and new pain just collide right into each other and it just makes me sick to my stomach. I haven’t had this much inner turmoil going on in so long.

I’m stuck in one of those scenarios when all of your friends are friends with the person you don’t like. Leaving me with no one to talk to, because 1) I look bitter, 2) petty, 3) overreacting, 4) they take her side, or 5) they don’t fully understand. I’m not jealous, I don’t get mad fast, but I do get hurt pretty easily. So when you pull up a chair instead of sitting in the open chair for you, because it’s next to me, I feel like you should at least respect my relationship. Especially if you ruined it at one point of time. There’s just a lot of things heavy on my chest that makes me question and I having someone who won’t judge me and make rash decisions based on what i say, would be really great right now.